


Space Lesbian Strike Back

by PepelePew



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, The Mandalorian (TV)
Genre: Disaster Gays, F/F, F/M, I am not sorry, Opel and Tia are gay disasters, Opel and Tia are little shits, Tia spies on Opels date, is this a self insert... yes..., many mandolorian memes because they bring me life, sorry for the my immortal reference
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:22:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28219905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PepelePew/pseuds/PepelePew
Summary: Mandolorian but gay- no reallyCelestia and Opellinn join Mando's group as mercenaries whose only job is to piss of Mando and teach Grogu TikTok dances.-ew this is such a bad description-also there will be a lot of memes because they bring me life-SPOILERS--PG-13--Also on wattpad--the only characters that are mine are Celestia and Opellinn--DISNEY OWNS ALL OTHER CHARACTERS-
Relationships: Cara Dune/Original Female Character(s), Fennec Shand/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 4





	1. this was a mistake

**Celestia’s POV**

Ah, another beautiful day on Nevarro. The sun is shining, the sky is blue, the air is clear, and the Lava tides are low, it’s calm and quiet.

“EEEEAAARRRRGGGHH!”

Correction: WAS quiet. My glorious silence was so rudely interrupted by the sounds of those pesky rival gang members trying(and failing) to kill us, and promptly meeting their doom at either my Beskar blades, my arrows, or Opel’s twin lightsabers. Either way, they’re goners. They say that if you try your best and don’t succeed, try, try, again. Except these guys won’t be trying again. Mostly because they're dead. My bad.

“Get outta your goddamn head, Tia! There’s a goon coming behind you!”

“Oops! Sorry! Thanks for the heads up, Opel!”

“No prob sis, just get your head outta the clouds, and onto the battlefield!”

“Actually, I think this is technically a battle-room, considering we’re indoors.”

“Now is not the time!”

“Ok, ok!”

The aforementioned goon tried(and failed, again. Seriously, where’s the challenge?), to stab me with one of his dull-ass knives. I, as you’d expect did not take to that too kindly, and in return for his pathetic attempt at maiming me, he received a prompt stab in the neck.

“Hah! Get some muthafuckas!”

“Ever the lady, Zhurri.” Chided Opel, with an eye roll. “Seriously, you’re just gonna provoke them.”

“I think it’s a little late for that, Cathar.” I deadpanned.

Hold on, I don’t think I’ve introduced myself yet. My name is Celestia (dark’ness dementia raven way) Zhurri, and I have long(dyed) bleach blonde hair, and I’m told my eyes look celestial( that’s how I got my name!) and are icy blue, like limpid tears. I’m also told that I take myself WAY too seriously.

\-- pls get that reference--

“You do.”

“Hey! Opel this is myyy pov!”

And on that note, this wonderful killjoy to my left-

“HEY!”

“What did I say, Opel? MY POV!” 

-Is called Opellinn Cathar. Since it’s not her turn to describe her Mary Sue-ness, I’ll describe her. She has shoulder length (dyed) pink hair, and steely grey eyes. She’s the same age as me, 25. And now, I see that we’ve very literally dispatched almost everyone in this room.

And that leads us to the current events, and the mob boss, who we were sent to kill, and is currently cowering right in front of us. Not so tough after all. But hey, I’d be (mildly) scared if two girls on the “Empire’s most wanted” list showed up and killed all my guards. But see, unlike him, I’m not a lazy sonofabitch and can actually fight my way out.

“You won’t get away with this!”

“Really? Well, what do you think, Tia? Have we gotten away with this?”

“Oh definitely.”

“Stop your joking! I know who sent you! It was Unida, wasn’t it?”

“Unida? You need to get your rival criminal gang leaders straight. Nah fam, Otasse sent us.”

“Otasse, but-I never thought he’d-I don’t believe it!”

“Oh yes, I can’t imagine the man whose son you had killed would want you dead, I mean, it’s really so strange.”

“Whatever, Opel, how should we go about killing this guy and destroying this place quietly?”

“Well, it won’t be quiet. I bet the neighbors have already filed more than one noise complaint.”

“Good point, we’ll have to sneak out of here, and blend into the crowd.”

“Kind of hard, considering we’ll be covered in blood, and/or sewer water.”

“SEWER WATER?”

“Didn’t I mention that earlier? Our only real way out is the sewers.”

“My lucky day.” Deadpanned Opel.

Now, you’d think that Opel and I would know by now that getting distracted in conversation is a big no-no in the mercenary world, but alas, we may be lethal, but we can sometimes be a bit...daft. I just barely noticed the blink-and-you’ll-miss-it flash of silver.  _ Barely. _ And I would’ve been a goner if it weren’t for that one teensy little detail I forgot to mention.  _ Opel is force sensitive. _

So you could imagine my shock and gratitude when I whipped my head around and took notice of the shining silver knife, hovering in midair, mere inches away from my head.

“Woah, thanks Op!” I exclaimed in shock, “I could’ve died!”

“Yeah, no shit! That’s why I stopped it!” Opel all but hollered. 

“Hey! I know!” I replied brightly.” How about as thanks for saving me from an early grave, you can do the killing blow!”

“Ehhh, I’m not as good at knife throwing as you. You wanna do it?”

“It would be my honor.”

It’s good to take notice that during our usual friendshippy banter, Mr. Big Tough Crime Syndicate Boss thought that our lighthearted banter was funny as fuck. So, much to our surprise, Senor Chuckles over here was laughing his goner ass off!

He was quickly silenced by a knife to the throat.

“Nice shot!” Opel smirked as she pulled the knife out of the former mob boss’s trachea.

“Why thank you! I do think we should get the hell outta here before shit hits the fan. Pretty soon the henchmen-”

“And women.”

“-And women that we didn’t slaughter will discover their bosses untimely demise and come after us.”

“Good point.”

With the knowledge that we had ample time before the like, five remaining goons caught on to us, we wasted no time in hauling our blood-covered asses out the door of the (now deceased) leader’s office and down a long, winding, very cliche, hallway. When we learned who we’d be killing, we thought it wise to get a map of the headquarters. Needless to say, it came in handy.

“If I remember the layout of this place, the sewers should be, right...around...here! That’s it!”

We found ourselves facing…

...A wall.

More specifically, what was behind said wall. And that would be the part of the sewers.

“This wall is weak as fuck. If you get out your lightsabers, you should be able to cut through in about 30 seconds.”

“What about the minions? Won’t they notice the big ass hole in the wall?”

“Will it matter? If we hurry this place should blow up soon.”

“Wait, what?”   
  
“Remember when I mentioned earlier that I was bringing along thermal detonators? Well, I placed them in almost every room here. One push of a button on my belt and this place is toast.”

“You’re a fucking genius! Now let’s get outta here!”

Sooo, remember when I mentioned Opel has double lightsabers? Well, those things are great for cutting through weak-ass walls! With ample time, we jumped through the holes created by the magical-force-laser-swords...and straight into the sewers. That sucked. It really sucked. Honestly, I’d rather not regale my swim through by far the grossest water ever. Let’s just say that I’m pretty sure SOMETHING brushed my leg that I’m sure was alive. So, you could imagine that after spending most of this chapter underground, I was glad to see daylight again. And I was more than ready to pick up Opel’s Loth-wolf, Sharae, and take a nice, long, shower. 

“Honestly, that sucked ass! The pay better be worth it, I’m THIS CLOSE to killing Otasse.”

“I’m sure we’ll be getting lots for it! I’m glad we left Sharae in the inn room, she definitely would have called attention to us. Sneaking back shouldn’t be too hard.”

Unfortunately, fate had other plans in store for us. We were slowly alerted to the sounds of footsteps behind us. We turned around to take notice of the person at the end of the street.

“Marshall Cara Dune, hands where I can see them!”

It was at that moment, that the gangster lair decided to blow up from under us.

Great. JUST GREAT.


	2. How to get a date according to Celestia Zhurri

Celestia's POV

So, let's see, where was I? Ah yes- we just emerged from the sewers of Nevarro, covered in shit-water and blood, and were promptly arrested by Marshall Cara Dune, who by the looks of it, is making Opel like women even more. 

So now we're stuck in a holding cell, bored out of our minds. Well, at least I'm bored. Opel is probably fantasizing about getting crushed by Marshall Dune’s thighs.

"So, do you know why I brought you in here?"

"OH THANK THE FORCE. I thought I was gonna die of boredom!"

"Very funny. I'll ask you again. Do you know why I brought you here?"

"Your dream threesome?"

Opal blushed profusely while repeating MY words under her breath. Seriously, I think she might be in love. Only Opel can catch feelings for a town Marshall who just arrested us.

"Did she really just say that?"

"OK, do you know how many NOISE COMPLAINTS I got about your little adventure?!"

"My apologies, we'll make sure to kill them quieter next time."

"Dank farrick. Well, lucky for all of us, some anonymous schmuck just paid your bail-"

"Wait, we had a bail?"

"Let. Me. Finish." She said with gritted teeth." Now from just looking at your appearances, I'd say from the looks of it, you two committed a murder."

"Or two."

"Will you stop interrupting?! Look, usually, you two would be arrested, but Magistrate Karga did some digging, and apparently that up-and-coming criminal empire is now demolished, thanks to you."

"So we get to go free?"

"Apparently. But try to behave yourselves. If The New Republic gets wind of what went down here, it's curtains." Added the Marshall, as she opened the holding cell's door.

"Well, I'd say this has been fun, but that would be a lie. C'mon Opel, let's go shower. Opel?"

If you could get drunk on love, Opel would have alcohol poisoning. She's got that dreamy look in her eyes. The one she gets when she develops an (oddly quick) crush. Woe is me.

"Let's go, Opel!" I hollered, dragging my poor, lovestruck best friend behind me, and straight out the door. Man, Sharae's gonna be pissed at us for leaving her behind in the inn room with 8-0 to keep her company. How long did we say we'd be?

30 minutes? How long have we been gone?

2 hours? Hoooohhh boyyyy. Sharae's not gonna be happy to have been stuck in a tiny hotel room with only a superbly annoying Astromech Droid to entertain her. But she knows the rules. Loth-Wolves count as an endangered species, and if her pack knew the shit we got into on a regular basis, we'd be a Loth-Wolf bar-b-que faster than we can blink.

Ok sooo, update. I was right about Sharae being really mad at us. From what we know, Loth-wolves don't speak much. Lucky for us, we got the easily angered one that' prone to go on tangents. I once remarked that Opel drew the short end of the stick for an animal companion. I thought that Sharae was out of the room. She wasn't and I have the scar to prove it.

"YOU MEATBAGS SAID YOU'D ONLY BE GONE FOR 30 MINUTES! DO YOU KNOW HOW HORRIBLE IT IS TO BE STUCK IN A TINY FUCKING ROOM WITH THAT METAL EGG?! FOR. TWO. FUCKING. HOURS. YOU KNOW HE CHEATS AT BRIDGE!"

I can feel a headache coming on...

"OK, Shae? Imma need you to calm down. I know we took a bit longer than expected, but we didn't anticipate getting arrested by the hottest town marshall ever. And I promise we'll talk to 8-0 about cheating. Ok?"

"FINE."

"Although your playing isn't exactly fair either."

I, like most people, have taste and let me tell you, Otasse's base is not good looking in the slightest. I mean, to be fair it was converted from an ex-imperial base to a crime syndicate. And the Empire didn't really know the difference between foreboding and tacky, as evident by their design choices.

But right now, we're on our way to Otasse's base, on the back of Sharae, who is complaining rather loudly that we still smell like sewer water.

"Ew, you guys STILL smell.'

"Look here doggo, we'll take another shower AFTER we collect the bounty that PAYS for YOUR FOOD."

"Look alive, ladies we're approaching the base."

We're pretty sure crime Lord Odyn Otasse noticed us far before we noticed him because he gave us far too jolly a greeting for my tastes.

"Opellin, Celesta, how good it is to see your faces again! Was the mission a success?"

"Hello Otasse, I'd be lying if I said it was good to see you."

That comment received me a sharp elbow to the side from Opel, and a barely audible, "watch yourself!"

"Here ya go, you magnificent bastard" added Opel as she handed him the bloodstained knife."

"Great work!" Lord Fatass added," I've been grieving my boy for far too long, this gives me closure that revenge was taken. For this job, I think 500,000 credits will be sufficient."

HOLY. SHIT.

"500,000 credits! Those better not be imperial credits, or we'll be having problems."

"Of course not, all that work against the Empire, and you'd think I'd give you IMPERIAL credits?"

500,000 credits is a lot if you couldn't tell. It's enough to buy food, supplies and tickets too get the fuck off this planet! Oh yeah, did I mention we don't have a ship? Some high class mercenaries we are.

Otasse handed us our payments and we were on our way, bounding across the lava fields on Sharae, ready for the next adventure, when I noticed something. Opel was being awfully quiet. Now, I'm no psychic, but I'd say her silence is related to a certain Nevarro Marshall.

"So, watcha thinkin' bout?"

"Y'know the chick that arrested us?"

Oh look, I was right.

"Thinking of a way to ask her out?"

"Yeah. I don't think she'll be interested in me."

"Not to worry, I have a plan! You just need to follow my directions..." The rest of my sentence carried into a whisper as I explained my master plan to get Opal laid.

"So do you two know why you two are back here AGAIN?"

"we're following through with your dream threesome?"

"You two TOOK OVER THE BLACK MARKET! I told you two to BEHAVE. Dank farrick, I'm gonna have to file a report!"

"We just did it to get your attention!" Opel blurted out." I should've just asked you out myself!"

"So you did this JUST to get my attention."

"And money. But yes, to get Opel to ask you out." I added.

"Well, you did a damn good job."

"Ok good. That means we won't have to try any of the other shenanigans."

"There was more?!" Cara exclaimed. She sighed audibly. "So if I take your friend out on a date, you two won't cause any trouble."

"Yes."

"Fine. The cantina, 7:00. Meet me out front...Opel was it?"

"YES! Ahem-I mean, yes. That is indeed my name."

"It's a date...I guess."


	3. Date Night with an ex-rebel shock trooper

Opellin’s Pov

I’d be lying if I said Tia’s idea to get me a date wasn’t questionable in the least, but I’ve known her for 24 years of my life, and Tia can be very chaotic. Granted, so can I, but taking over the entire Nevarro black market is pretty ridiculous.

“Oh, quit your moping, Opel.” Tia butted in. “It worked didn’t it?”

“I guess so,” I replied. “But don’t you think it was a bit...extra?”

“Extra is just how we do it darling.” Tia added from across the room, where she sat on a small stool in front of the mirror, braiding her still damp hair into her signature double french braids(Sharae insisted we take another shower. Water bill? I don’t know her.).

“Now then, the first step to a successful first date is to dress appropriately.”

“Don’t tell me you're gonna measure my outfit to make sure it’s below the knee.”

“Nonsense! Everybody knows short is better. Now, I’m thinking the short silver dress with the tassels and the faux diamond necklace.”

“Won’t that be a bit much?”

“Bitch, you’re dressed to impress( and maybe get laid). It’s not too much. Now c’mon. You have a (very hot) date who’s waiting for you. Get dressed so you can memorize the cue cards.”

“YOU MADE CUE CARDS?!”

“Oh, this’ll be good.”

“...Shut up Shae.”

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
As promised, I met Marshall Dune in front of the newly built Nevarro Cantina, at exactly 7:00. While I was (very literally) dressed to impress, Marshall Dune was wearing her armor. I had the sudden realization that I might be overdressed. But then I caught the Marshall glance down every so slightly, and felt just fine, but maybe just a little flushed.

“Nice dress.”

“Thanks, uh, Celestia picked it out for me. It’s one of her dresses.”

“Is that the blond one who suggested a threesome?”

“Yeah, she can be a bit...suggestive. I should know, I’ve known her for 24 years.”

“Wow! And if you don’t mind me asking, how old are you?”

“Oh it’s ok, I’m 25. What about you?”

“34.”

“Ok then.”

Shit, she’s wayy older than me! Oh well, no going back now.

“Wanna get our table?”

“Sure.”

We got a table in the back. Marshall Dune said it was to minimize assassination attempts. I mean, that shouldn’t be much of a problem, considering we decimated one criminal organization, and are in cahoots with another. And I think Otasse is smart enough to leave our potential romantic partners be.

“So uh, Marshall Dune, how long have you been on this planet?”

“Please, call me Cara. And I’ve been on Nevarro for about….6 months.”

“Well, I guess that means you’ve earned ‘Call me Opel privileges. And we’ve been on Nevarro for about one and a half weeks.”

“Heh, alright then Opel, where did you and Celestia grow up?”

“Both of us are originally from a rural town on Corellia, but we left when the Empire took over the town. I’m sure it’s long abandoned. What about you?”

“Alderaan.”

“Oh force, I’m so, so, sorry.”

“It’s fine.”

We sat in solemn silence for a few minutes. I’m unsure why I should’ve even brought up that question. I was beginning to start to wallow in shame when Cara finally spoke up.

“I noticed when I arrested you and your friend, that you have a lightsaber. Are you force sensitive?”

“Yeah!”

“Nice!”

I decided now would be a great time to use one of the cards Tia had me memorize.

“You know, I’m sensitive in other places too…”

wait.

no.

I didn't mean it like that.

Cara immediately stammered as a bright blush coated her cheeks. I was still deciding if it was a good idea to say that when a waiter decided with impeccable timing to ask if we wanted drinks or food.

“Two spotchkas, and I’ll have the chicken fried Nevarro goat.” Replied Cara

“I’ll have the bone broth.” I added.

The rest of the night went without a hitch, except sometime around my second sip of bone broth, I got the sinking feeling we were being watched. And my intuition is never wrong. But oh well, better keep alert. I went right back to shamelessly flirting as if nothing was wrong.

“Are you okay, Opel? You keep looking over your shoulder.”

“It’s nothing, I just get the feeling that we’re being watched.”

“Well, I think lots of people are watching our date right now, or it’s just the spotchka influencing your emotions.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right.”

Like I said, my intuition is never wrong because around 8:00 a waitress came to collect our dishes. A completely different waitress. Who looked suspiciously familiar. Wearing an obviously fake mustache. Behind her trailed a red and white circular astromech droid dressed in a sleeveless blazer and a tiny bow tie. He was holding a tray of dishes. But the pieces didn’t fully click until the waitress opened her mouth.

“So would you lovely ladies be interested in our dessert selection?” Asked the waitress in an attempt-to-sound-masculine-voice.

Hold it, was that a commlink on her ear?

“So uh, what’s that on your ear?”

“A, uh...comlink.”

“What do you need a comlink for?” This time, it was Cara questioning her.

“I’m uh, on a call with my Mom…”

“Do we know you?” " Uhh, of course not. I’m just a simple waiter...la da dee, I love waiting tables, it brightens my simple existence.”

“And what is that behind you?”

“Why that would be my busboy.”

“Aren’t busboys traditionally sentient?”

“Well...yes. But we’re a very progressive restaurant.”

“Hey, Tia, has the eagle landed yet?” Asked Sharae through the comlink.

THAT BITCH.

“I know that’s you and 8-0 Celestia.” I chided. “Are you trying to SPY on my date?”

Celestia promptly ripped the fake mustache off of her lip.

“Well, I guess I’ve been found out. Damn.”

“It’s easy to be found out when you barely tried.” Remarked Cara sarcastically.

“I think I’d better head back to our motel room. The guy I stole this uniform from should be waking up any moment now.”

“YOU WHAT?!”

“Welp, Shae said she’s hungry, so I guess I’d better go!” Tia blurted out quickly.

“Actually I ate a while ago.” was Shae’s answer.” besides, it’s way more fun listening to you make a fool of yourself.”

We decided to call it a night about 20 minutes after a VERY flustered Tia made her exit. We stood outside the Cantina for a while just gazing up at the night sky.

“You can’t see them all that well, but the stars sure are beautiful.”

“They really are. Hey, I think you can see Tatooine right there.”

“Yeah. It only really takes one look at the night sky to take notice of how small we are.”

“Well, I don’t think you’re insignificant, Baby girl, I had more fun tonight than I think I’ve had on a date.”

“Well, what did you expect from the girl who took over the Nevarro black market JUST to get your attention.”

“I have to admit, that’s pretty extra.”

“Extra is how we do it.”

“Think we’ll have a second date?”  
“Definitely. But before I go, there’s one more thing I need to do.”

Cara kissed me, now mind you, it wasn’t a quick peck, it was a deep kiss, I was blushing furiously, but NOT in a bad way.

“Who says this date has to end?” I smiled cheekily.

-time skip 2 weeks later-

“Good morning, darling.” I smiled and pecked Cara on the cheek. “I missed you.”

“Oh, you say that like your tongues weren’t in a furious battle for dominance last night.” Celestia rolled her eyes.

“Oh don’t mind Tia,” I remarked “she’s just mad because for once I’m the one getting action.”

“Hey, come off it! I’m happy for you two. And I’m glad you’ve been spending nights at Cara’s place. Mostly because Shae and I were tired of sleeping outside and having to keep 8-0 from being pilfered.”

“Hello girls, you three having a good morning?” Queried a voice from the doorway.

“Hey, Greef. What are you doing up this early anyway? It’s a Saturday.”

“Mando’s back.”


	4. Chapter 4: Do you know da way

**Opellin's pov**

****"I'm sorry, are we the only ones who don't know who DON'T know who the hell this 'Mando' is?" asked Tia.

"Yeah, Cara? Who is this, 'Mando' you speak of?"

"A friend. Hey Greef, did he bring the kid?"

"I'm not sure, all I know is that he showed up in that new ship of his."

"Ok, I am confusion." I deadpanned.

 _"Why is this one kansas but this one arkansas? America explain, explain, what you mean it, Arkansas?"_

I elbowed Tia in the ribs, earning a pained grunt from her. Ignoring the snarky diaster gay currently doubled over in pain, I instead focused on the topic at hand. This,'" Mando" and his apparent child. Was he Greef's son or something, or was he a friend, or an old flame? And did they just say he had a kid? Wait, is the child his and Cara's?

Am I a homewrecker?

"Why don't we go meet him, and finally introduce the girls to the infamous Mandalorian."

"Wait, Mandalorian?!" Exclaimed Tia. "THE Mandalorian? No fucking way, dude."

"I'm sorry, what? YOU know this "Mandalorian" Tia?"

"OOOH. That's right. You had mono when I ran into him. Yeah, he's not special. Just the most infamous bounty hunter in the galaxy next to Boba Fett. Yeah, he seemed a little displeased that my swords were made of Beskar. He told me I couldn't use them because I wasn't a Mandalorian. I told him to go fuck himself."

"Here's hoping he won't recognize you."I rolled my eyes.

"My hair was purple back then. But my face is wayyy too pretty to forget."

"Leave it to you to boost your own ego."

"Hey, are you two coming?" Called Cara from the doorway.

"That's what she said!" Tia smirked.

_Call it a hunch, but I think this Mandalorian is going to remember Celestia, not for her "Stunning Beauty."_

Greef and Cara led us just outside the arch marking the entrance to Nevarro City, to a medium-sized ship shaped like a giant horseshoe crab. Except this horseshoe crab was made of metal and looked like it had run into multiple boats.

"Huh. When I met him, I could've sworn he had a different ship. One that didn't look like it crawled out of the ocean, and then forgot how to return. I mean, the ship he had still looked like a shantytown that could fly, but it wasn't _this._ "

"CELESTIA. _Be nice._ Here he comes."

The ramp of the ship opened with a not so imposing, _vroosh._ Out of it stepped the man of the hour. He was moderately tall and completely clad in shining silver beskar. Any other person might be scared, but not us. I'm rarely frightened, and Tia just doesn't give a fuck. In his armored arms, he held a small green goblin with big, cute eyes. Definitely not the lovechild of Cara and this hunk of metal.

" OOOoooOOOHH FORCE!" Squealed Celestia, "THAT IS THE CUTEST CREATURE I'VE EVER SEEN!!!!!"

The usually snarky, quick-tempered, no-fucks-given Celestia Zhurri's eyes went wide as dinner plates, and she immediately dashed over to the man called Mando.

"OmigoshhiyouprobablydontremembermebutcanIholdthislittlebean? " Tia blurted out. Geez sis, don't forget to breathe.

"Uuuuuuhhhh..." the sentient hunk of metal stammered. Even though I couldn't see his face under that helmet on his head, I could tell he was caught off guard. Man, he's really gonna hate Tia when she calms down. I've only known Mr.Mystery Man for like, two minutes, but I just know Tia's going to make about a million jokes about his helmet. She'll probably say it's a kink or something.

"It's ok Mando, they won't hurt him." Greef chuckled. Our savior. I think this might make him the patron saint of diffusing awkward situations.

"I guess..."

Faster than you could blink, Tia snatched the child out of Mando's arms, and into hers.

"Hello there little one, aren't you cute with your big ears? Oh, you're so tiny, I could just eat you up!" Tia grinned.

"...Please don't."

"Oh relax, tin man, it's a figure of speech." _What did I say?_ Already calling names.

"Now, why don't we introduce ourselves!" Karga sweatdropped. "These two lovely ladies are Celestia Zhurri, and Opellin Cathar. Say hello, you two."

"Opellin, pleasure to meet you." I stuck out my hand, and he shook it. Huh. Firm grip.

"Tia?"

"Yeah, yeah. Ya don't gotta remind me." Grumbled Tia."Celestia. I think you met me once, and I may have exchanged a profanity or two. Heyy, Opel, come check out this big eared pea!"

"His name is Grogu." Mando objected.

"Gogurt?" Tia smirked.

"GROGU."

"GOGURT."

"GRO-GU"

"GO-GURT."

"GROGU. His name is Grogu! G-R-O-G-U."

"Now listen here you little shit-" 

I'm certain Mando and Tia were mere seconds away from killing each other, luckily enough, Greef decided that peace WAS an option, and interrupted the two idiots by clearing his throat quite loudly.

"Now, now, why don't we go into the cantina, get a drink. Celestia, I know you like the Mai Tais."

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The waitress sat us down in a booth in the corner. It must've been quite the sight, a Mandalorian, a big-eared, green baby, the magistrate, the town marshall, and her pink-haired girlfriend (we come here nearly every night), and the little blonde gremlin who knocked a waiter out, stole his uniform, and then spied on her best friend/adoptive sister/partner in crime's date. The waitress looked very stumped but complied, and within due time, five out of six of us were nursing drinks.

"So, Mando, what brings you here?" Greef inquired cheerily.

"Cara contacted me. She said she had an offer for me."

"Hmm. And what's that?" I pondered, taking another sip of my spotchka.

"Apparently there were two mercenaries-for-hire that could help protect Grogu."

I swear you could hear a pin drop at our table. Tia went from not taking anything seriously, to being seriously surprised.

"BITCH WHAT? Nah, Nah. Hold up. WHAT?!"

I leaned over to Cara.

"Believe it or not, she's reacted way worse before. On Ryloth she's called 'ear biter.' She might say yes." I whispered.

"How much u fuckin homestucks gonna pay us?"

"Language Celestia!" I chided."But seriously though, how much?"

" 1,000 credits." Mando said. I couldn't help but notice that he sounded a little downtrodden. Perhaps he was a bit short on credits. That could explain the state of his ship.

"Perhaps we could reach an agreement." I piped in.

"Opellin Cathar, you are not taking away a chance for more money!"

" _Celestia Zhurri._ We already have 500,000 credits. We'll be set for a while. How about a compromise...uh...Mando. Can I call you Mando?" I stuttered.

"Mando is fine."

"How about this. We get free room and board, and in turn, we get to babysit your child-"

"Grogu."

"Gogurt."

"GROGU."

"GOGURT."

"IT'S GROGU"

"I DON'T FUCKING CARE HIS NAME IS NOW GROGURT." 

_"-Anytime."_

I admit it, I'd grown to actually like Nevarro over the three weeks we'd stayed there, which wasn't much of a surprise, considering our lifestyle, we've never been able to stay in one place for too long. I even had a (steady) girlfriend! I really, really like Cara, and I don't want to leave her, it'll just be painful.

"I don't know what I'm going to do now, leaving you behind. It hurt leaving my other girlfriends behind, it'll feel horrible." I confessed to her the night before Celestia and I was supposed to leave. We lay in the small bed in Cara's apartment, our clothing long forgotten on the cold floor.

"Oh baby girl," She sighed. "You're the first lover in a while that hasn't just been a hookup. I'm not letting you go."

"I have to leave to accompany a bounty hunter and a strange green infant on a trip around the galaxy, what's that supposed to mean?"

"Well, let's just say, judging by the size of that ship, it's a good thing I pack light."

"You're coming with us?!" I squealed (quietly) with delight!

"Someone's gotta keep you three in check. I figure, why not the person with the highest amount of top energy." She laughed.

It was safe to say, that when we departed early the next day, that I was excited about the future, and the adventures it would bring.

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Writers note- I do not condone any sort of hate, and I am completely disgusted at G*na's comments. But, I continue this fic, keeping in mind that she would hate this. Also, sorry for the wait, but chapter five should be up soon! 


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